I apologize for my recent absence, I've had some technological issues. However I could not let such a small matter deter me from writing one last piece on football before we head to the season. Make sure to also check out Mike's four-part preview and Chris's Mega Preview as well as my quarterback power rankings and ten random predictions for the season.
I'd like to write my final piece on what WON"T happen this season. The simple answer: anything Sports Illustrated's Peter King said will happen. I usually view SI's NFL Preview and Peter King's annual predictions as high comedy. I'm not sure who decided King should be the foremost authority on football but they should be fired, whoever they are. As I received the NFL Preview this year I took a stroll down memory lane and thought of King's hilarious annual predictions. I thought of him picking the Patriots for the Super Bowl and Tom Brady for MVP for what seemed to be 10 straight years, I thought of his laughably bad prediction last year (Chargers-Falcons), but I most of all I thought about how ridiculous it was a teenager knew predictions coming from the highest selling sports magazine in the world were bogus and then turned out to be right nearly all the time. This I saw the pile of shit that was the 2012 NFL Preview.
Sports Illustrated used to be my favorite sports media source. I used to look at the articles as sources of knowledge and the writers as genius. Rick Reilly and Steve Rushin were the highlights of my week. Now I can't wait to cancel my subscription. Not only does SI completely irresponsibly throw out random ideas and make bogus predictions, they do so without the world class writing America has come to expect. So here we go, I'll break down the NFL Preview and why it's so egregiously bad.
The 6000 yard passer?: Of course no one can predict the future so I can't say for sure this won't happen. But what the hell were they thinking? Before last year there were only two guys who ever threw for 5000 yards in a season. You can't tell me that 6000 is in the near future. Brees missed the mark by over 500 yards while playing in the leagues best passing offense, throwing all the time, and completing nearly 72% of his passes. You tell me exactly where there's room for improvement. Yes, the game has become much more passer friendly. But doesn't it seem conceivable that 2011's results were skewed just a bit by the lockout? Then there's the issue of who King, in his infinite wisdom, actually put on the list of guys who "could accomplish the feat." Rodgers and Brees were the obvious top two while Matthew Stafford also made the list. Tom Brady made an appearance despite the fact that....ya know....he's in his mid frigin 30s. Suprisingly, there is no Eli Manning on the list. King says that the system Eli plays in would limit his chances to accomplish the feat. But he doesn't go on to say what system that is or why it would limit his chances. Funny, I couldn't help but notice that "system" didn't prevent him from racking up 4,933 yards last year. then the list gets a tad funny. Rookies RG3 and Andrew Luck make the list despite the fact they've never played in a game and King hasn't the slightest idea of their abilities. Then, of course, he puts USC's own Matt Barkley on the list because "anyone who gets into a shootout with Andrew Luck has a chance at 6000 yards." So does that include Brandon Weeden? His team beat Stanford in a shootout last year, is he going to throw for 6000 yards as well. He also mentions Matt Ryan despite the fact that he threw only 4100 yards in the year of the quarterback. He capped off the list by throwing Joe Fucking Flacco at ten. That's right America, Joe Flacco has a chacne at 6000 yards in a season. His explanation? He'll now be working in the no huddle. Woopty fucking do, so did Trent Edwards. Mind you, Mr. Flacco threw for 3700 yards last year, a career high. Yeah Peter....No.
Peyton Manning MVP, Broncos AFC Champs: So the Broncos were lucky to win eight games last year and now they upgrade at quarterback and are going to the Super Bowl? Yes Peyton is the best ever (yeah he is! shut up Chris!) but he's the best ever at age 36 and NO ONE knows how his neck will hold up. The Broncos have an average D, an average line, a likely below average run game, and unproven receivers. Behind Manning they have Caleb Hanie, the worst ever? Please Mr. King tell me how this team is better than your beloved Patriots, how are they better than the Steelers (or Ravens....or Bengals) how are they close to Houston? They're not. (I still love you Peyton.)
Romeo Crennel, Coach of the Year: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....wait what? Crennel?! Go to hell King.
Other issues: Well where the hell do I start? Brooks Reed for defensive player of the year? Who? Bengals better than the 8-8 Steelers? tell it to James Harrison. Then there was the issue of the Gronk article. (man this Gronk shit can't go away fast enough, he plays football and likes to party? no way! he's awesome! wait he can't read either?! Can I marry him?!) Sorry Pats fans, Gronk is not going to catch 244 touchdowns, 0ver 1000 receptions, or amass over 16,000 receiving yards. Tight ends just generally don't do that. Tight ends like Gronk usually flame out early or have shorter careers due to injury. We've seen it Jeremy Shockey, both Kellen Winslows, Antonio Gates, Ben Coates....etc. Yes the position is changing but asking Gronk to have a Tony Gonzalez-esche career isn't fair. He runs into five guys every time he goes near the end zone, he blocks hard, and he parties hard. Sounds like a recipe for a short career. Then there's that issue of his injury history. Nice research SI.
Not only is this issue an insult to all of the sports fans in America who subscribe to it, it's also disrectful to all those incredible journalists who have written for SI over the years. Count me as one who won't take the magazine nearly as seriously in the future if I ever even read it again.
Oh yeah and Green Bay over Houston.
Stay Hungry My Friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment