I suppose I wasn’t alone in being
shocked and disgusted upon learning no living members of Planet Earth would be
elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2013. That was, until I remembered that
the Baseball Writers Association of America is not only the moral authority of
the world but also the gatekeeper of a shrine of famous and morally impeccable
baseball players.
After all what
business do non-famous losers like Craig Biggio and possibly, could-be, steroid
users like Mike Piazza have being recognized in a hall of racist, spit-balling,
amphetamine taking legends? Thank heavens some brave spirits finally stood up
to the morally reprehensible ways of guys like Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds! I
mean, it’s not like they won three Cy Young and MVP awards respectively before
people believe they started using steroids. Of course, Hank Aaron and Mike
Schmidt used amphetamines to enhance their play but they didn’t benefit from
performance enhancing drugs!
One has to admire
how bravely and confidently the voters kept Jeff Bagwell and Mike Piazza out of
the Hall despite them never being linked to performance enhancers of any kind.
After all, due process and the concept of being innocent until proven guilty
are really outdated ideas. Sure most people suspected of taking steroids never
tested positive but, come on, they had big muscles!
I’d also like to applaud the writers on
continuing to keep Tim Raines out despite a growing consensus that advanced
metrics should be used to measure player ability. The writers did the right
thing in remembering that thinking is for nerds and understanding more than
three statistical categories is just too hard. If Tim Raines wanted to be in
the Hall of Fame, he should hit more home runs, damn it! The only mistake the
writers made was not admitting poor Jack Morris yet again. Sure, Morris’s
career e.r.a (3.90) would the lowest of anyone ever selected to the Hall but,
he had a mustache!
The Baseball Hall
of Fame is now without the sports all-time hit (Pete Rose) and home run (Bonds)
leaders and the modern-era wins leader (Clemens). Here’s to hoping the BBWAA
keeps up the good work in the future. Many players suspected of PED use will be
coming onto the ballot in the next few years; it’s important that they stay out
of the hallowed grounds in Cooperstown. Remember, racists, spousal abusers,
drug users and spit ballers are welcome as long as they’re not steroid users or
guys no one cares about like Raines and Biggio. You are in charge of the (so
not totally arbitrary) task of deciding whose integrity is worth of
enshrinement. Don’t screw it up. So, even though there could be multiple years
where no one is enshrined and even as baseball falls further behind football
and basketball in popularity, make sure you use every insanely ignorant and
arbitrarily decided reason to make sure no one gets into the Hall. Because
America’s Past Time should be in the hands of under-qualified writers given the
task of deciding who’s integrity is enough to have them enshrined in a small
building in Upstate New York.
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