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It seems as though ever since Skip Bayless used Tim Tebow’s wobbly throws and his own incessant shouting to launch himself into a seven-figure contract with ESPN, hacks have invaded all forms of sports media.
From criticizing those who use advanced stats (or those who are, in a word: intelligent) to making ridiculous claims just for attention, this growing group has it made it clear that it cares far more about page-views and hate reads than doing quality work.
These hacks and attention whores have joined forces with the pretentious “guardian or morality” types to create (yes I said create, they created the story. It’s not news.) the worst story of the year: Johnny Manziel’s immaturity.
There are dozens of examples of hack-pieces written by well-to-do, douchebag, crotchety sports writers who act as if they were anointed the arbiters of morality by some supreme being long ago.
How dare Johnny Football drink alcohol, complain about a parking ticket or wonder aloud why he’s being hounded by the press like he’s John Lennon in 1964?
He’s got a job to do. And as everyone at ESPN has made perfectly clear the past two weeks: he’s a leader of men. As opposed to the leader of women, babies, inanimate objects or West African Tree Frogs; in which case he could get hammered and complain about all the parking tickets in the World.
The worst example of a morality-guarding, attention-whoring hack I have seen yet has been the article Dennis Dodd of CBS Sports posted Sunday night entitled: “Johnny Football has spit on all the help Texas A+M has offered him.”
Well then! That’s a hell of a start! Nice way to draw the hate-reads in. This headline reads like Manziel was a homeless crack addict whom Texas A+M brought into their collective homes only to find him gone one day along with all their wives’ jewelry. Then he snorted, gargled and hawked a lougie (loogie?) that spanned the entire A+M campus.
Dodd: “Shortly after Johnny Manziel won the Heisman, Texas A&M AD Eric Hyman convened a Johnny Football summit in his office. Everyone who mattered was there -- Manziel's parents, compliance, coaches, marketing, SIDs, even the celebu-quarterback himself.
The tone from the head of the athletic department: Everything has changed. Here's how we're going to handle it.”
Well I can’t imagine why Ol’ Johnny Football would feel like he was being treated differently than the other players. All they did was “convene a summit” in his name. No biggie; they just invited everyone to a little get-together to let everyone know they’re going to tell the young man single-handedly responsible for making them millions of dollars and putting their school on the football map how to live his life.
“The 62-year old Hyman knows a little bit about handling hype. The man who hired game-changer Gary Patterson at TCU, inherited Steve Spurrier at South Carolina and was run over by two-time Heisman winner Archie Griffin as a North Carolina defender, was going to set the ground rules. Hyman went so far as to consult with Florida external relations guy Mike Hill who helped oversee the Tim Tebow phenomena.”
So, none of those things actually relate to this situation save for contacting Mike Hill, who did such a wonderful job of keeping that Tebow hype down.
“Hyman at least attempted to get out in front of the Johnny Football parade before it ran over him and his department.”
And has it? This article was published literally hours after the NCAA announced it was going to investigate the possibility that Manziel was compensated for his autograph. So…
1. No one is in trouble yet. There’s a good chance no one will get in trouble. The Texas A+M athletic department has certainly not been “run over.” Whatever the fuck he meant by that.
2. He’s getting in trouble for selling HIS OWN FUCKING SIGNATURE. He doesn’t own the right to his own name? And these mouth-breathers have the audacity to claim it’s all “worth it” because athletes are entitled to a phony, hollow education?
Moving on..
"The meeting that Eric Hyman had wasn't a get-after-you, tell-you-what-to-do meeting [for Manziel]," Aggies coach Kevin Sumlin told me earlier this year. "[It was] 'We're here for you. You don't have to handle this on your own.'"
If Dodd believes the motive behind this meeting was anything but: “this kid is the key to our financial future and we have to make sure he doesn’t screw up too much or we could be out a lot of money”, then he’s …uh, actually about what I’ve come to expect from CBS Sports.
“We now know in one, long tortuous offseason that Manziel has spit on those who have tried to help him. Advice has been discarded like a linebacker trying to wrap up. When news broke Sunday that Manziel may have taken money for signing autographs and memorabilia, it was reminder of how far the parade had veered off the prescribed route.”
Wait, advice has been discarded like a linebacker trying to wrap up? What the hell? I don’t think Dodd was paying attention when he was supposed to be learning analogies at Hack University.
I can’t say I have knowledge of exactly what was discussed at this “summit” but I doubt they told Manziel he had lost his right to complain or that he was forbidden to drink alcohol. And of course we can’t forget the alleged pay4autograph scandal that broke roughly minutes before Dodd started typing this. Yeah, the NCAA hasn’t even started investigating yet but that little Manziel bastard is guilty, damn it! Due process is for real people, not college athletes!
“Not only is Manziel's eligibility in jeopardy, well, everything has changed. Just don't blame A&M -- its coaches, administrators, lawyers and publicists. If it wasn't already, Texas A&M football has been shaken to its foundation. The Aggies' SEC and national championships hopes have to be put on hold. At least for the four weeks between now and the beginning of the season.”
Did I mention he was accused of this hours ago? And, as you’ve made clear, the only reason they’re in the national discussion is because of Manziel. So criticizing him for (probably not) possibly taking away championship hopes he created in the first place is the stuff of hack legend. Congrats, Mr. Dodd.
“Please, just don't blame Hyman and A&M. They gave a scholarship to a talent hundreds of other schools would have invested in. It was Sumlin who went to bat for Manziel, helping keep him from being suspended for a year. It was Sumlin who sheltered his quarterback from the media until November it what looks like in retrospect to be a masterstroke.”
In other words: they convinced the school to retain a student they normally would have put on probation because he was a talented football player and could generate a lot of money for the school. Oh, that’s sounds irresponsible and misguided when you put it that way.
Oh, and masterstroke isn’t an appropriate word to use anywhere, ever.
“What I told his dad and mom at the Heisman [ceremony] is, 'He's no longer a freshman, he's no longer a sophomore, he's no longer a junior, no longer a senior,'" Hyman said. "'He's a Heisman.' From where he is today to where he was a few months ago, he's learned how to handle situations."
“Yes, Hyman was on top of it – until he wasn't. Just don't blame the AD or his staff or the school. They're weren't the enablers. They are one of many victims.”
…….
Um.
….
Sorry, guys. Excuse the delay, but the stupidity in these final two paragraphs made me lose my dinner.
Are you fucking high, Dodd?!
Is he seriously attempting to draw pity for the athletic administration for trusting a player who brought them $37 million in media exposure last season? I’m having a tough time believing that. It’s just hard for me to believe that someone who holds a job at such a prominent and powerful as CBS is thoughtless and arrogant that he still thinks that athletic administrations who stand to make millions of dollars on the outcomes of sporting events always act in the best interest of their slaves- er um, student-athletes (Freudian slip).
Those poor, innocent school administrators will now have to find other players to whore out for the financial benefit of the school.
Dodd had a chance to use his platform to point out the completely ridiculous idea of the NCAA owning someone’s signature. He could have been one of the few writers to ignore Manziel’s minor wrong-doings while criticizing the corrupt and morally reprehensible policies and behavior of those involved with the NCAA.
And instead he took a long climb up onto a horse so high, it’s unlikely he was able to hear the rational cries of us mere mortals. He threw all logic and reason aside and crapped all over a kid whose sins pale in comparison to those of the NCAA.
Just don’t blame Dodd or CBS or really anyone for the poor quality of his piece. Because, if we think hard enough, we’ll find a way to blame this all some unpaid CBS intern.
Stay hungry, my friends.
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